The Four Communication Rules and Violations, with an Emphasis on Listening
Personal Empowerment / 318 Views
Written by Jude Bijou. Narrated by Marie T. Russell
After thirty-five years in private psychotherapy practice and decades of studying and teaching, I've found all good communication boils down to just four simple rules. Whether it's with our spouse, kids, neighbors, or our boss, mastering these concepts will have us communicating with anyone about any topic, effectively and lovingly.
While these principles may not sound new to you, I believe we can never be reminded of them enough. They are simple but not easy.
According to Attitude Reconstruction, there are also four main violations that create misunderstandings and fall-out (as well as hurt and anxiety). Identifying these four bad communication habits will help us avoid the alienation and confusion we often experience when interacting with others, especially at emotionally-charged times. Resorting to them is like throwing gasoline on the bar-b-que.
Knowing the 4+4 communication rules and violations doesn't make for stilted conversations. Being aware of them gives us a choice about whether we want distance or closeness with our words. By abiding by the four rules, we honor ourselves and others with every exchange and increase the probability of finding connection and common ground.
Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT), an educator in Santa Barbara, California and the author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life.
In 1982, Jude launched a private psychotherapy practice and started working with individuals, couples, and groups. She also began teaching communication courses through Santa Barbara City College Adult Education.